TV Bits

Dennis: You cut the sleeves off of all your t-shirts. What, so you could show off your tats? Those are really original, dude.
Mac: They’re tribal.
Dennis: Oh, they’re—they’re tri..—I’m sorry, what tribe are you from?

Charlie: This is amazing! Look at this! Bro, you could chop a camel right in the hump and drink all of its milk right off — right off the tip of this thing, man.
Frank: That is a find, man!
Charlie: This is an Ali Baba sword, dude.
Frank: That’s spectacular!

Dennis: Guys, I don’t know if I’m feeling this flyer idea.
Charlie: Really?
Mac: It’s perfect, dude. How else are three guys in their 20s supposed to make friends? There’s no system in place. A flyer does all the work.
Dennis: All right, read back what we got so far, ‘cause I don’t…
Mac: “What up! We’re 3 cool guys looking for other cool guys who wanna hang out in our party mansion.”
Charlie: Sounds a little gay, right?
Dennis: Yeah. It does sound gay.
Charlie: You know what, write: “Nothing sexual.”
Mac: Good. Okay, “We’re 3 cool guys looking for other cool guys who wanna hang out in out party mansion. Nothing Sexual.”
Charlie: And add “Fighters welcome”, ‘cause you know we want tough dudes and some big dudes.
Dennis: I don’t want a bunch of tough guys wanting to fight me.
Mac: No, it would be good to have extra protection.
Charlie: Yeah, extra protection and…
Dennis: Well, put “Fitness encouraged.”
Charlie: Beautiful.
Mac: That sounds confusing. I’ll put “Dudes in good shape.”
Charlie: Oh, there you go. That solves it.
Dennis: I like it. Okay, but we also need a guy who’s funny and fat. We need a funny fat guy ‘cause every crew has one.
Charlie: Well, no, I’m the funny fat guy, so don’t worry about that.
Mac: You’re not fat, dude.
Dennis: You’re also not funny.
Dennis: I want somebody who does observational humor…
Charlie: That would be good. Observational humor is cool.
Mac: I’m just gonna put “Nothing sexual” again just to reiterate.
Dennis: Underline it.
Charlie: Please. Be very clear with that.

Good afternoon Philadelphia.  We’re here in Chinatown where a large crowd has gathered for what must be a martial-arts showdown.

Dee: You set me on fire!
Frank: We set the building on fire. You just happened to catch on fire.