TV Bits

Charlie: This is amazing! Look at this! Bro, you could chop a camel right in the hump and drink all of its milk right off — right off the tip of this thing, man.
Frank: That is a find, man!
Charlie: This is an Ali Baba sword, dude.
Frank: That’s spectacular!

Dennis: Guys, I don’t know if I’m feeling this flyer idea.
Charlie: Really?
Mac: It’s perfect, dude. How else are three guys in their 20s supposed to make friends? There’s no system in place. A flyer does all the work.
Dennis: All right, read back what we got so far, ‘cause I don’t…
Mac: “What up! We’re 3 cool guys looking for other cool guys who wanna hang out in our party mansion.”
Charlie: Sounds a little gay, right?
Dennis: Yeah. It does sound gay.
Charlie: You know what, write: “Nothing sexual.”
Mac: Good. Okay, “We’re 3 cool guys looking for other cool guys who wanna hang out in out party mansion. Nothing Sexual.”
Charlie: And add “Fighters welcome”, ‘cause you know we want tough dudes and some big dudes.
Dennis: I don’t want a bunch of tough guys wanting to fight me.
Mac: No, it would be good to have extra protection.
Charlie: Yeah, extra protection and…
Dennis: Well, put “Fitness encouraged.”
Charlie: Beautiful.
Mac: That sounds confusing. I’ll put “Dudes in good shape.”
Charlie: Oh, there you go. That solves it.
Dennis: I like it. Okay, but we also need a guy who’s funny and fat. We need a funny fat guy ‘cause every crew has one.
Charlie: Well, no, I’m the funny fat guy, so don’t worry about that.
Mac: You’re not fat, dude.
Dennis: You’re also not funny.
Dennis: I want somebody who does observational humor…
Charlie: That would be good. Observational humor is cool.
Mac: I’m just gonna put “Nothing sexual” again just to reiterate.
Dennis: Underline it.
Charlie: Please. Be very clear with that.

Dee: You set me on fire!
Frank: We set the building on fire. You just happened to catch on fire.

Mac: You’re such a dildo, dude.
Dennis: Thanks, dude, thanks. That’s a good way to start the day.
Mac: Is that, uh, soy veggie health drink supposed to erase the damage you did to your liver last night?
Dennis: Is that coffee gonna help you forget that elephant that you slept with last night?

Dennis: We’ve found the perfect girl for Charlie! You know the girl over at the coffee shop, the one that he’s been in love with forever?
Dee: Yes?
Dennis: Well, ok, he saw her wearing one of those Lance Armstrong, race for the cure, “I love people that are dying of cancer”-type bracelets.
Dee: That’s…really cool.
Dennis: Well, so that bracelet probably means that she’s compassionate towards sick and dying people, you know what I mean, that’s what that symbolizes.
Dee: No, you know what that symbolizes? Those bracelets symbolize jumping on fashion trends and you know what the thing that’s so rad is? They come in all kinds of colours now so you can accesorize your compassion with your outfit.